Ways to Regain Control when you feel like a Hot Mess

This past fall, I was a hot mess.

Especially with the holidays, I had been feeling like a lot of things were getting away from me. My husband was still searching for a job, and not all of them were local, so we were having a lot of conversations about what to do if one of those opportunities panned out. Added to that, my family had been sick for almost 2 months. We went through 2 colds, sinus infections, several ear infections including double ear infections and recurring ear infections with both kids, a medication allergy that was discovered, fevers and puking. Through it all my husband held down the fort, but he was pretty tired of his full-time dad status.

All in all, it was a pretty rough time; the stress was real, and strong. The slip into hot mess status is usually a slow one I think, and this was no exception. The dishes and laundry started to get behind. I got in a small fender bender (my first accident in 10 years). The house stopped getting picked up regularly. I started losing things. I’m still nursing my baby, and in about a one-week time span, I lost about 20oz of breast milk. If you’ve ever spent time breastfeeding, I’m sure you understand how devastating that alone was. Some of it got lost in the fridge and went bad, some of it spilled. The how didn’t matter too much, just that it happened. At the same time, I was misplacing pump parts right and left.

I had had it. I was so frustrated I burst into tears quite suddenly one day in my kitchen. I knew something had to change – I was going slightly crazy. I couldn’t risk losing any more breastmilk or my supply; I had very limited patience for my kids, which I could sense was trickling down to affect my son’s behavior – and he needed me; and I couldn’t control my stress and anxiety.

The first thing I did…

…one day was send everyone to bed (at naptime), including my exhausted and still sick husband, and did a deep clean of the main rooms of the house. I use the term deep clean lightly. I picked up, disinfected most of my son’s toys using wipes, sprayed down the couch to help keep germs at bay, and washed blankets (and eventually sheets). First thing first, I needed to get the sickness cycle to stop.

The second thing I did was sleep. Even though my house needed my attention, I needed to keep myself healthy and together first, and I needed to protect my breastmilk supply. So I slept.

Then I tackled the mess. I checked and updated my planner so I could minimize anything else from slipping through the cracks. I picked up the floors from toys and trash. I cleared surfaces – I don’t think I had seen my island countertop in over a month. I folded over four loads of laundry and I did the dishes. In the process, I found things I had lost.

I write it out all it all happened in a day, but it didn’t. But if I’m honest, my sleep is limited these days and I’m tired after a full work day, so my home productivity during the week is less than fruitful. In fact, it took me several weeks to try to catch up, and I’m not totally all the way there yet.

Have you been feeling a bit of a hot mess lately?

I’ve taken my experiences over the last several months to create a list of different avenues and a collection of all the things I’ve done to try to get some control back in my life and surroundings. Use this list to get a direction on some different things you can do to also regain control in your life:

Do a brain dump.

Set a timer for 15 minutes and write down everything that’s on your mind. Not just a to-do, but everything. Plans coming up, what is causing you stress, worry or anxiety, and things that have happened to get you where you are. Write it all out – you can organize it all after.

Slow down.

Take a deep breath. Force yourself to take a few moments between actions. Look at your brain dump and reflect on your situation. Determine if there are any plans you can comfortably say no to or back out of. And I’m going to repeat – most importantly – take a deep breath. Again. And again. And then again.

Plan your calendar.

If you’re dropping the ball on plans or promises, prioritize some time to plan your calendar or update your planner. Don’t forget to schedule in anything you are required to do for your plans (e.g. Buy a birthday gift and wrap it for a birthday party).

Focus on the essentials.

Update your planner, do your dishes (and use paper goods until you’re caught up), pick up surfaces (including the floor), go to the grocery store (or better yet order groceries for pickup or delivery), do a load of laundry. These things can help keep your house moving forward and establish control when you feel like there’s nothing to hold on to.

Make SMART goals.

Make 2 or 3 dedicated SMART (specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic, and time-bound) goals for the next week or month. This will give your brain some place to focus when feeling frazzled. Be honest and don’t be embarrassed if it seems like the most simplistic – should be easy – goal. This for you and you alone to do what you need to do.

Take time to rejuvenate.

My girlfriend had a birthday party right at the time of this breakthrough and it ended up being such a rejuvenating night away from my stress. Plan a night out with the girlfriends, indulge in a library trip or go to mom’s group, go for a hike, etc. Maybe you don’t want to leave the house but just have a bubble bath. Pamper in a little me time to forget and ignore the stress, so when you come back to it you can tackle it with determination.

If possible, take a day off to get caught up.

This won’t always be an option, but if it is for you, it can be very helpful. Send the kids off to daycare and/or school or even just to a babysitter, send you husband to work, and take a day to tackle the worst of it.

Sleep.

As someone who currently isn’t sleeping much because my baby isn’t sleeping through the night yet, I cannot emphasize this one enough. When push comes to shove, if you aren’t getting enough sleep, you’ll be even more frazzled and feel more like a hot mess, no matter how many of these other ideas you try to tackle. Sleep first, and get enough of it.

Pick your favorites of these ideas, set a 20-minute timer if you need to, and just start implementing. It doesn’t so much matter where you start. Just that you start. Productivity is productivity after all. In the end, I was able to pick things up and feel like I got most of the control back, with healthy kids to boot. And if you are in this spot, I know you can too. This is just a phase, and its temporary. Take a deep breath, acknowledge your position, and then take action to fix it.