4 Crucial Steps to Addressing Tough Decisions

Have you ever been faced with making a really tough decision? I mean, earth shattering, life changing decision? Most people at some point have, whether it be what college to attend, what career to go after, what house to buy, or any other slew of choices that just make you freeze and feel completely stuck, paralyzed to make the “wrong” choice.

My family went through this recently. Late last year my husband was let go from his job; my sister, who lives 500 miles away from us, found a job opening at her company that fit my background quite well. After discussions, we decided I would apply, and see where it took us. At the same time, my husband started applying to other positions in that relative area as well.

Long story short, we had 2 job offers in the same relative area, close to my sister, and within a day’s trip to my parents. Alternatively, my husband also had a job offer local to our current home, and life would go on as usual.

Moving would mean leaving my other sister, who I currently live very close to and see regularly, as well as all our friends. It would mean selling our house and moving 500 miles with a then nursing 6-month-old. The cost of living is about equal to where we were, and moving is expensive. Our timeline would mean my husband would start sooner, and we would be separated for a period of time. I would be a single working parent most of the time, until I could join him. Lastly, it also meant leaving a job that I not only find fulfilling, but also provide some very significant benefits.

All in all, we were faced with a making a really tough decision. We were being tested out of our comfort zone, a trait that comes with most difficult decisions, and it was emotionally trying and stressful.

But the clock ticked and we needed to make a decision. It didn’t much matter if the decision was yes or no, there was no wrong answer here, but one had to be made regardless. We wanted to honor our goals and beliefs, and make a decision made with confidence that we ultimately knew we could be happy with. When it was all said and done, there were 4 steps we took to help us choose.

Try moving through these 4 things to help you make those tough decisions with confidence:

1. Consider the outcome and weigh the alternative. When a tough decision looms overhead, there are two sides of the coin. There is an outcome, and then there is always an alternative. The outcome in our situation would have been the move. Our alternative was to say no, stay where we were and life would go on as is, relatively unchanged. In most cases it’s easier to go with that alternative, and save yourself the stress. But at what cost?
   • A great way to justify making a hard decision is to look at the outcome.Would the outcome result in a change for the better? Would one option put you in a more favorable situation? Can you envision life being less stressful? Weigh the pros and cons.
   • Be honest with yourself and consider your morals. It’s hard to go wrong when you go the moral route!
2. Make decisions based on your goals. What is it that you want out of life? Imagine your ideal life, where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? Reflect on your situation. Journal about it if you want, or talk it out with a friend. Are you dissatisfied with any part of your current life? Would the outcome of this decision relieve that dissatisfaction?
   • Does the outcome of this decision support your goals? Always remember what you’re trying to achieve in life. Avoid living according to the goals of others if you want to be truly happy.
   • Avoid making decisions that you know may rest on your conscience forever. You need to make sure that you can make a decision with confidence and be at peace with. If you know in your heart you will never be at peace with one option over the other, go with the option you can be confident with.
3. Limit the advice you take. My parents wanted to help us make the best decision for us, but they also had strong opinions about wanting us to move because it would land us closer to them, which they obviously wanted. In some scenarios, advice is very helpful. However, while their advice was useful, I had to be careful with my parents because I could have easily let it cloud my judgment.
   • When making a tough decision, go with your gut. It’s usually correct.
   • Be courteous of those offering suggestions. You may want to respectfully listen to everybody who’s trying to help. They do it out of love and a desire to help. But also notice if you start to be confused, or venture from your own wishes to satisfy those of others.
   • Listen with an open mind, but a closed heart! In other words, it’s possible to hear the advice and not take it to heart. Likewise, it’s important to weigh everybody’s feedback and filter the ones that aren’t helpful.
4. Think outside your comfort zone. Remember that life in general tends to be uncomfortable. While we would all prefer otherwise, it’s a reality we sometimes just have to face. Accepting the job would mean a very uncomfortable life for my family in the short term – but it was also important for us to remember that was just a short-term consequence.
   • If you know something is right, aim to block out all the other noise and listen to yourself.  Nobody likes to be uncomfortable, especially for extended periods. However, avoiding decisions when change is warranted could lead to its own extended discomfort over time.
   • Remember all you stand to gain or lose for each choice. You may lose friends, but you may also gain much more (including new friends). Consider peace of mind, a clear conscience and genuine happiness. These can all be yours when you decide to do what’s truly best for you.

In the end, my husband turned down the job near my parents, and I withdrew my application. When we sat down and talked it all out, moving wasn’t the right decision for us in this particular instance. There were several reasons why, the main one being that it didn’t meet the criteria for our goals of priority right now. We do want to move eventually, and when that time comes, we will have to get over the fear of moving out of our comfort zone and away from family and friends, but it just didn’t feel in our hearts that this was the right time for us.

I encourage you, if you find yourself facing a difficult decision of your own, to focus on the task at hand: consider all of your options, remember your goals, listen to advice with an ear of caution, and put fear aside to think outside your comfort zone. If the end result of your decision betters your situation and supports your goals and conscience, then you can be confident that you’ve made a wise decision – even if it was tough.